Masterbating Cochroaches!

This is a crappy script I through together out of boredom. Can't use it so I figured I'd post it.




Two drifters by the name of Winslow and Daphney settle beneath a cruddy old bridge near the cities industrial district. Beneath them is a polluted creek that bleeds into a swamp and above is the steam rolling of early morning commuters. The floors and walls of the bridge are covered with bugs and rats.

Winslow: We finally made it eh, babe?

Daphney: Oh sweetie, the big city is everything I envisioned and more!

Winslow: Now look, I know it's exciting and all but don't lose site of the ultimate goal. You're going to have to really get out there and hustle that pussy fast and furiously if we are ever going to afford that studio efficiency down in the bowery.

Daphney: Anything sweetie, whatever I have to do I'll do it. I don't care if I have to suck on a million syphilis filled sphinctors to get us there.

Winslow: Good girl, you hungry for your medicine lil mama?

Daphney: Starving, My cot damn skins burning!

Winslow pulls out a tiny jar of "pouperi" he claims to have purchased from the gas station as well as a can of malt liquer energy drink called Mondo Socko with a brightly colored label.

Winslow: I still can't get over that dirty fuckin chink at the corner store trying to tell me $10 for this shit. Can you believe that?

Daphney: Well, you know how those people are sweetie.

Winslow: Fuck that, $5 is the asking price for this shit and the Mondo Socko is $2.99tops! It's the same at every store in Amwerica. I should call the attorney general and report his ass.

Daphney: So assertive baby, you make my butthole pucker when you get that like, stop it.

Winslow smirks devilishly while rolling a gar out of the $5 gas station popouri.

Winslow: Here ya go baby, put this in your pipe and smoke it.

Daphney: Yaaaay!

Winslow cracks open the can of malt liquer Mondo Socko and takes a chug. He shakes his head and body violently.

Winslow: Whooooa! Man that packs a fuckin punch.

Daphney takes her time inhaling the popouri gar.

Daphney: You're to fuckin good to me Winslow, what did a dirty little skeez like me ever do to deserve such a wonderful man?

Winslow: Gods divine intervention I suppose. You need to look at it in the grand scheme of things, ever since the first tadpole crawled onto the the earths soil outta the swamp, destiny has been bouncing people, places and things in one direction so that the cosmos could lead to our lives intersecting at this very moment in history. Everything that has ever had to happen has and we're apart of a greater narrative.

The popouri is starting to take it's toll on Daphney. Her eyes squint, her voice softens and speech slows.

Daphney: So classy and intellectual.

Winslow hands her the can on Mondo Socko which she makes short work of with a few strong gulps.

Daphney: Oh, my head. It hurts so bad.

Winslow: How many times do I have to tell you. It's just the high.

Daphney: Sweety, I can't feel my hands. I can't feel anything.

She places hand on chest.

Daphney: My heart is thumping out of my chest. It feels like I'm dying, baby.

Winslow: You're just high you fuckin dingbat. Mellow out. I'm tired of going through this everytime you smoke that stuff.

Daphney looks at Winslow suspiciously. The harder she looks the more she notices that he now has the body of a cochroach and the face of a man.

Winslow: Hey, why the hell you lookin at me like that?

Daphney: You son of a bitch, you dirty motherfucker!

Winslow: Huh?

Daphney: How long? How long have you been hiding this from me?

Winslow: What the hell are you talking about?

Daphney: That, this whole time. This whole cot damn time you've been a big greasy brown hairy roach!

Winslow: Oh boy...

Daphney: It's ok. No need to panic. I'll still love you. No matter what I'll still love you Winslow. Even if it means we procreate and birth a half roach baby. I'll love that fuckin baby too!

Daphney begins hallucinating herself giving birth in a hospital room. The doctors are all wearing thick black sunglasses and gas mask. The room is very sterile looking and white.

The baby pushes it's way out of her bloodied vagina one hairy limb at a time til it is yanked out of her womb.

The doctor holds the roach baby in his big rubber gloves and hands him to her. The baby has a human head. It smiles at her and winks. She smiles back.

When she awakens she finds herself on her back. A line of strange scraggly men has formed around her. There is a elderly old man with no teeth between her legs, he's drooling profusely.

Daphney: What is going on here?

The old man keeps humping and looks back at Winslow.

Old Man: Winslow, you better give her some more of that popouri, I think she's regaining consciousness and I ain't paying this ugly bitch to chat!

Winslow rushes over.

Winslow: Here baby, smoke this. It'll calm you down. We've almost got enough for that efficiency apartment.

Daphney takes another hit.

The old man begins climaxing.

Old Man: Damnit, I just blew my whole wod in that death trap!

Winslow: That's the breaks old timer.

The old man removes himself, Daphney keeps smoking and drinking the gas station drugs. A new man crawls between her legs and covers her mouth with his hand.

Daphney looks at the group of men surrounding her. They are all roach's with the faces of men.