Halloween 2010

After a drunken night of Halloween-Eve at Ybor Cities Guavaween, I had a much more toned down Halloween night then anticipated.

The weekend was capped off with my homeslice Mindy as we explored a few of St. Pete's local neighborhood haunted houses.

One was located off of 4th street, the second one we visited was directly across from Kiwanis Park (where I honed my basketball skills!) off of 38th Ave.

I will say this, these haunted houses were cool as penguin shit and scary to boot. Both were made on what I assume were meger budgets but you'd never know it from the frights.

Which brings me to this. How in the hell can places like Universal Studio's Halloween Horror Nights continue to get progressively worse while low budget spook shows like these made in somebodies yard are of the upmost quality? Explain that one to me.

Method Man / Redman show @ Jannus Live

Determined to make the most of my Halloween weekend I kicked things off with a trip down to Jannus Live (which will always be Jannus Landing to me) and caught the Method Man / Redman show appropriately dubbed Smoke-A-Ween.

Conventiently priced at $18 (even though with stupid ass Ticketmaster my shit came to $26!!!) this was a can't miss show for Bay Area hip hop heads.

I showed up around 9 pm and witnessed the scariest site a 90's hip hop fan could lay eyes on, a "metrosexual boy band"! My first impression was what the fuck? Then after a few minutes of listening to this gay ass bullshit my next reaction was why the fuck aren't fans storming the stage with pitchforks and torches? Then I realized everybody was high and had no idea what was going on anyways, far as they were concerned it was Howard The Duck onstage or something.

From here on things steadily improved. The next act although almost equally as gay but not quite as metrosexual or boy bandish took the stage and tried to swoon the audience with their own unique brand of lyrical white boy bullshit. The lone black guy in the group was dope though so props to him. The other two guys just looked akward. With so much local talent in the area it is tragic that Jannus allowed some fratboys from Orlando to pay their way to opening for Meth and Red but whatever. Which is all this was. Some kids who use daddies credit card to swipe their way to the top....of the toilet!

One of the shows highlights was the costume contest. I wish I had been closer to the stage to snap some pics but I chose to spend the evening posted up on a wall near the wall throwing down $5 drinks. One girl just used the opportunity to get on stage and dance like a stripper (which was the fucking bomb!), another guy dressed as Redman from "How High" with a B.U.F.U. outfit but the crowd favorite were the two guys dressed as a sack of weed and a blunt. It was an epic costume to say the least.

The dj at the show was a little lame. It is normally standard precedure at these 90's rap shows for the likes of local legend DJ Sandman to rock the stage with a variety of old school jams. I've become so used to his sets that now days I look forward to what gets played before the show almost as much as I do for the main act. This guy was no DJ Sandman. It was tragic to hear Lil Wayne and other mainstream friendly crap to be used at such a show.

Thankfully all was not lost, DJ Sandman did arrive eventually along with the lovely and talented indie local artist Dynasty. He opened the Dynasty set with the theme from John Carpenters Halloween which earned him extra cool points from me. Then followed it up with Mobb Deeps classic "Shook One's Pt 2" to warm up the crowd. I swear the place almost exploded when this record came on. Dynasty's performance was charasmatic as usual. It won't be long before this chick is headlining her own shows.

Finally Method Man and Redman hit the stage about 10:30 and did a hell of a show until close to midnight. The only problem is that the majority of fans at the show aren't really Red and Meth fans. They are more like Wu-Tang fans who came to see Method Man, Redman is sort of the bonus to sell a few more tickets because there is no way that in the present day Meth could pack a crowd in this area without a little help.

Since the majority of people there really aren't fans of the duo's collaborative efforts it makes the audience a little stale until they hear tracks they are familiar with. The songs that recieved the most energy back from the crowd were Meths more popular solo efforts and ofcourse the M-E-T-H-O-D Man (you can hear that song instantly in your head right?).

Thing is, when I see these guys on stage as much fun as they appear to be having they also make it look like a job. Like they don't enjoy themselves being rappers anymore. I'm guessing part of that is a disconnect from their fanbase. Two black guys from the New York / New Jersey area are probably a little dumbfounded as to who all these college aged stone white kids are at their shows.

Not only that, both of these guys careers are shackled by the influence of The Rza. Method Man because The Rza militantly crafted the Wu-Tang brand and early careers of the groups members leaving them very little lee-way to branch out and market themselves to their own liking. Redman has always been stuck because without his collaborations with Method Man his career would have disappeared into the ether many moons ago. So both are essentially playing a role that is paying their bills but at the same time not necassarily representative of who they truely are.

One thing that bugged me a little bit was the smug elitism spewed by both of these guys on stage. Normally this type of talk doesn't bother me that much because who the hell am I to talk, right? Thing is, everytime Method Man publicly opens his mouth and lets loose his opinion (the Waka Flocka controversy for example) he always winds up retracting himself then appologizing. Not to mention all of his bullshit cameos on lame TV shows and movies (Soul Plane anybody?). Don't even get me started on the low quality of his solo albums. So for him to stand before a crowd of made up mainly of white kids and talk about the sad state of modern hip hop is a bit insulting. Same goes for Redman who had the most to say on the state of hip hop. Who is he to talk after collaborating with the likes of Christina Aguillera and doing modern day minstral shows like the movie "How High" and the stupid Fox show "Method and Red" which was cooning to the twentieth degree.

After the show I was kind of shocked by how tight security was. I've seen quite a few shows at Jannus and the artist are typically friendly enough to do some type of meet and greet with fans afterwords. Hell after the Wu-Tang show Rza and Ghostface handed out pizza and KFC. Public Enemy let everybody backstage and even Big Daddy Kane was kind enough to pose for pictures. Hell a bum I met outside showed me a picture on his phone of him and Young Jeezy!

Method Man and Redman though had the place on lockdown like they were Paul McCartney and John Lennon or something. It may be standard procedure for police to be present at these shows but this was outrageous. Both artist ran as quickly as possible to their tour bus and got out of there asap. How lame. Especially considering these guys cult following you'd think by now they'd have built some type of rapport with their fans through signing autographs, etc. Hell, they could even do what Tech Nine does and just charge a minimal fee after the show for a meet and greet.

Anyways, it was a dope show. Definitly worth the money. Hopefully soon the whole Wu-Tang Clan will make a return to Jannus. One member just isn't enough.

Me and Chris visit Artpools Abnormal Formal.

After a couple of months sitting around on my ass mooching off of unemployment I was delighted (to say the least!) to find out my old job was hiring back temporarily (which means forever cause they are to cheap to hire permanently) and I would not only be able to make a bunch of money very quickly in a short amount of time but also that I would be doing alot of hours working overtime on nights and weekends.

Feeling my free time was about to be pinched I had a jonesing to get out of the house for what could possibly be my last weekend of freedom for quite some time.

Normally this would mean drowning in liquor and oogling females before catching a cab ride home. But not this time, my cousin called asking if I'd be willing to watch her son Chris for the weekend. Ofcourse, I obliged and before I knew it I was celebrating an early October Halloween with the lil cuzzin.

Chris is a big horror fan for his age. Him and his brothers know the Freddy and Jason films like the back of their hands. So he comes over, we watch the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and its sequal The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 then decided to head out for a night on the town.

Our first stop was the soon to be demolished St. Petersburg Pier. This was a big deal for Chris since it was his first visit in years and a big deal for me to be able to share with him a place that was pivotal during my own childhood.

We followed that up with a trip to a Central Avenue pizza joint (I'm a regular there but the name escapes me), before heading up the road to the Artpool Galleries Abnormal Formal Art Party.

Readers of my blog know I was sold on Artpool some months ago when I attended with a friend to the I Love St. Pete show. This go around the gallery was packed with a halloween themed crowd and featured performers, musicians as well as a fashion show!

The price was a little steep this go around with an entrance fee of a whopping $20! But it worked itself out since Chris was free. My only complaint is that the DJ was locked up inside of the building instead of outside where most of the mingling was taking place amongst guest. This guy was pumping out some jams! Run-Dmc, Nas, the list goes on and on, I was actually pretty impressed.

When I wasn't snapping photos of Chris with costumed charectors I relinquished control of the camera to him and let him snap his little heart out. The kid had never been to anything like this before (hell, me either! I wish I had an older cousin as cool as me growing up) so virtually everything seemed to capture his attention.

All in all it was a great bonding experience and I was more then happy to have the opportunity to help stimulate the mind of a young horror fan.

Movies I Been Watching!

Normally I'd give a individual review for the films I watch but those things barely get any hits so fuck'em.

Instead I am just going to give some mini reviews and a few thoughts...

Worm Eaters - I fell asleep a few minutes after I popped this sucker in the VHS player but then I woke up. Before I was fully conscious my head turned towards the TV and was startled by the site of half man / half worm people slithering across the screen. That alone was convencing enough for me to give this flick a second chance the next day. Very poorly made with a pitiful script the movie had just enough charm to keep me entertained and the eye candy wasn't bad either (ok one actress in particular). The lead actor (who also directed) is hilarious and the gross out scenes especially the ones with worms mixed with food will churn even the most iron belly fan of gross out flicks stomach.

Halloween 3: Season Of The Witch - Ok, not that rare of a movie. But a classic none the less, atleast in my opinion. Besides the score and producing duties handled by John Carpenter I really have no idea why this is associated with the Halloween franchise at all. This may get me hung from the cross but I think this is the best film in the franchise. The story is a little incomprehensible but I like the way they attempted to keep the movie entertaining rather then scary.

Hellmaster - This is just a deplorable film from start to finish. Features appearances from John Saxon and David Emge (Flyboy from Dawn Of The Dead dummies!) but they are pretty much useless. The movie has atleast 20 different endings and the charectors are all intertwinable. I think one was a cripple, another was a psychic that could read the minds of computers or something, who the hell knows. The movie isn't without a few bright spots, ok it has no bright spots but I did sort of like the part where the reporter is going into the basement and finds the freaks, the cross painted on the door was a nice touch. The bus these freaks ride around in is also pretty cool, although I am not sure who is driving the damn thing. The freaks themselves are a mixture of zombies, demons and hell they might as well just be a bunch of dead Leatherfaces possessed by the devil. Not very good and nearly unwatchable.

Tape Heads - Back when Tim Robbins and John Cusack were kind of cool they starred in this movie about a couple of slackers that dream of making music videos. The flick is highly entertaining, so much so that I am wondering why I never heard about it until I found it at a damn yard sale! This is a classic as far as I am concerned.

Luther "Luke" Campbell Speaks Out Against NYC Mosque

This one is completely mind boggling. Hip Hop smut peddler and one time champion for free speech Luther "Luke" Campbell has come out in opposition of the New York City "Ground Zero" Mosque because in his opinion Muslims are exploiting our kindness and no different then the KKK.

I'm confused over this for alot of reasons. First and foremost isn't this the same guy who released the song "Banned In The USA"? That is one of my all time favorite records and if memory serves the theme was that here in the United States regardless of ones race, religion or political beliefs we are all protected under the first amendment to enjoy whatever sort of language we choose regardless of how inflamatory it is.

It also seems to me that Luke is big on opinion and short on facts. Not only is the mosque nearly six blocks away from ground zero, there is another mosque already five blocks away and the World Trade Center itself had a mosque inside of it. Is he saying that the Muslim population that works and lives in this region have no right to freely worship in a location that is convenient to them? Give me a break, maybe Luke is also opposed to the street vendors selling hot dogs next to Ground Zero because they may be undercover terrorist.

I wonder how Luke feels about islams influence over hip hop music itself. One could certainly make the arguement that it was muslims who laid the foundation for the culture Luke would eventually get rich from. Not to mention Luke came up when most artist were affiliated or influenced by organizations like The Five Percenters and NOI. Islams relationship to the black community is something that goes back to pre-slavery. I guess what I am wondering is if this has something to do with Islam as a whole or is Luke singling out muslims from the middle east in particular.

Im not hating on Luke but i have to wonder why a guy who made his living off of sexually charged rap lyrics and strip clubs is taking sides in a controversy that really has nothing to do with him or his business. Especially when the same people bashing the mosque are the same ones who would like to see him put out of business.

Craziest thing is, the biggest supporter of the ground zero mosque may be none other then Luke himself. Lyrics from Banned In The USA.

Luke's speech:

What is this?? Is this not America? This is not China! This is not Russia! This is not the place where they brought down the wall, this is America!

We have the right to say what we want to say, we have the right To do what we want to do, and what I do in my house, You might not do in your house! So what I do in my house is my business! And the simple fact Of it all is that we are BONDED by the First Amendment! We have the Freedom of EXPRESSION! We have the freedom of CHOICE!

And you, Chinese, black, green, purple, Jew, YOU have the right to listen to whoever You want to, and even the 2 Live Crew! So all you right-wingers, left- Wingers, bigots, Communists, there IS a place for you in this world! Because this is the land of the FREE, the home of the BRAVE! And 2 Live Is what we are!

I love St. Pete @ ARTpool

A couple of weeks back while loitering around the streets of downtown I stumbled across several advertisements for an event called I Love St. Pete. A showcase of local artistic talents and all around cool show featuring live music, held at the ARTpool gallery / vintage boutique on First Ave. Because of transportation issues and a lack of cultured friends I had all but counted out the event as something I could realistically attend.

As the Saturday of the event arrived, I had surrendered all hope and accepted the fact that my evening would be spent munching on stale store brand potato chips and flattened Jolt Cola. Thankfully at the very last second a moment of clarity shined down upon me in the form a instant message from none other then long time friend / high school chum Mindy Van Devin. We managed to arrange plans on short notice and before I knew it we were on our way downtown.

Being that I am a virgin to the ARTpool experience I was really unsure of what to expect and went in with very few expectations. With that said, ARTpool is simply amazing. Sort of a glorified thrift store that feels more like a nostalgic playground filled with retro clothing and knick knacks. Also available are hand crafted jewelry and artwork from local artist. There is so much going on inside of the store that the building itself begins to take on a life of its own.

I must say, ARTpool sure knows how to throw a shin-dig. Everyone in attendance seemed to be having a blast roaming the cramped isles of the store and snapping personal photos to commemorate the experience. The DJ, located above the main entrance, was a nice touch as were the creepy mannequins that seemed to be dressed up flamboyantly around every corner. Outside of the building in the neighboring parking lot a second party was taking place featuring live bands and various vendors.

Next month the folks at ARTpool will be throwing another event just in time for Valentines Day, for more info on that or anything else I highly recommend swinging by their website, http://www.artpoolrules.com/.

Interview With The Projectionist Part 2

If you missed out on Part 1 it is available in the archives of this blog.


John Miller: When I was in high school I used to occupy my time by hooking two VCR's together and bootlegging anime tapes for my friends. I'm curious what inspired you to become a bootlegger and the type of equipment you were using in the early days?

John Petrey: My inspiration came from different levels. First and foremost my earliest equipment used for bootlegging were two 4-Head JVC linear stereo VHS VCRs. I worked for Honeywell in those days and word got around that a guy in another department was selling some pornographic bootlegs and that his quality was terrible. I then rushed out and bought the two very expensive machines ($600 a piece back then) and immediately got me a membership at Todd Theatre's Video Rental. Copyguard didn't exist so that wasn't an issue and the picture was crystal clear! Needless to say I stole all of his business by renting the tapes for $4 and selling the copies for $25. It was easy to pocket $200 some nights, that on top of your paycheck. The other main reason was that I simply was an avid film lover and movies on videotape back then were anywhere from $29 to $79 on VHS. So copying was my only solution since I wanted a library and was getting married with a child in the picture and another on the way. Let's just call it prioritizing, ha!
Here's a funny one. The kids wanted to watch WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY so I put it in and we laid down to watch it. The kids and I dozed off while the film ran. WELL, I had recorded WW over an old porno tape SO imagine the shock I had after I had woke up with an angry wife shaking me pointing at the bumping and grinding on the TV! Thank goodness the kids were still asleep, ha ha!

JM: I always found it offensive to pay close to $9 a ticket for a movie then be forced to sit through a lecture about the harmful impact piracy has had on the film industry. Come to find out the statistics being used to make us feel guilty were completely bogus. What are your thoughts on this and as someone who has earned most of their living in the theater business how do you feel piracy has impacted the industry?

JP: Tackling what you said first about hearing the lecture after paying $9 for a ticket to me is a GREAT way to keep your customers at home. Why are they preaching to a PAYING audience to begin with? The Movie studios are just like every other profitable business. They cry poor mouth and then contradict themselves with James Cameron raking in over 2 billion dollars worldwide with AVATAR. My question is how much money do they need? I will say this however in their defense. Uploading screeners and CAM versions of films that have not even hit the theatre yet is flat out wrong, IF it's mainstream. Where uploading a Theatrical film IS justified (IMO) is when an import is uploaded that didn't get a large distributor and it would be impossible to see it here in the states any other way.These guys that download a film that's new (like Avatar) and sell them for $5 on a street corner are just asking to get busted. The irony here is how Piracy has sometimes HELPED the theatre industry is when someone buys a $5 crappy quality DVD or download the same version but it's enough to convince them that "HEY, THAT WAS A GREAT FILM. I WANT TO BUY THE DVD OR BLU-RAY WHEN IT COMES OUT!" Yeah, the studios say they lost that person's Box Office sale BUT they gained the disc sale! People DO NOT realize the revenue gained by the studios after a film has 'flopped' at the theatre. A movie may have done $22 million on opening weekend but then go on to do $50 million in rentals and sometimes over $100 million in sales!! But there are people in this world who are disabled, extremely poor or live 75 miles from a theatre that it would seem to me justified or not so important for an ocassional download.
It seems now days every street entrepreneur in America is hustling quality bootlegs of new releases. I was at a flea market and a kid had a booth set up handing out fliers, which I felt was a little bold. With the market so heavily flooded with product, why should I ever consider paying outrageous prices to go watch a crappy movie in a sterile theater ever again? This depends on the individual. I've seen people that are so fearful of the law and would never consider purchasing a bootleg disc where others wouldn't mind or not have any problems. But the reason you SHOULD consider seeing a film at the theatre depends on what kind of presentation you're looking for. When you say a 'crappy' movie for the ticket prices they want nowadays I would say no, you shoudn't have to or even want to. But if it's something you seem really interested in then MAYBE you could splurge on the ticket price and see it for the big screen, surround and all that. The theatre industry, mainly the studios are out of control. The ticket prices are what drives people to piracy in a lot of cases. I saw a movie last year in 3D and it was $12 a ticket. I didn't even receive a coupon for a reach around redeemable at the concession stand after getting f*cked at the Box Office. I wonder how the 'pirates' will survive in a digital world. Especially trying to CAM a 3D theatre screen. What are they going to do, pay $24 for the camera and themselves and set the glasses over the lense so the picture would come out, heh. I think from now on I will refer to the 'pirates' as 'Robin Hoods' since they rob the rich and give to the poor, ha ha!.

JM: I'd like to switch the conversation to collecting since I know you have an awesome collection. How many films do you think you own?

JP: I am right at 4,000 DVDs and 1,500 VHS. The disc numbers grow slower than they used to while the tape numbers have come to a halt, unless it's something extremely rare. It's a variety of films, TV Shows and Theatrical Trailers. Shamefully, I probably haven't watched 10% of my collection.

JM: If your anything like me I know you probably check every DVD rack, every box of old dusty yard sale VHS tapes etc. for potential discoveries. Where or were your some of your favorite spots to conduct your searches? Mine are Bananas (because they used to have amazing racks full of rare VHS!) and the Wagon Wheel Flea Market just because I know I'll always leave with something good.

JP: Having amassed so many I have actually slowed down to a crawl when it comes to getting out of the house to collect more titles. Bananas was my home away from home for a while! They eventually ran out of affordable, rare VHS tapes and I bought whatever LaserDiscs I wanted from them. I have not been to the Wagon Wheel in Years. The video store in Louisville Ky. called Wild and Woolly contributed quite nicely. If I do venture out for the rare hunt, I'll check Flea Markets, Pawns and last year I was buying the sellout at Video Exchange. 'The' tape to look for is "THE LITTLE MERMAID" and not just any copy. It has to be the first edition that says CLASSIC on it AND has.. ahem...a Penis head on top of one of the Gold castle towers in the artwork! Rumor was a disgruntled Disney employee drew it after a rift with the studio. I sold those first editions for $100 a piece. Imagaine, a VHS worth a hundred cash! Those were the days.

JM: What was the craziest discovery you have ever made, the one find that made you step back and say wow I can't believe I just found that?

JP: For years I looked for GALAXY EXPRESS, the American Version distributed by Corman that was a very short cut AND dubbed version of an Anime feature film titled GALAXY 999 which is twice as long. I started in the 80's since I used to rent it for the kids. It became a favorite of mine too. I wanted to purchase a copy and the years and search went on and on until I just stopped looking for it. Well, I was at a video store on Columbus here in Tampa that was selling out and I was looking at the tops of boxes and the Gold Embassy logo stood out. I plucked it out of the bin and gladly paid the man the $5 he was asking. Beautiful quality tape as well. How many times does that happen to us all? We kill ourselves looking for something and then it just drops in to our hands. BTW, if anyone ever finds or has a copy of "DEBBIE DOES DISHES", please let me know *wink*.

JM: Man, what happened to your website Cultrararevideos.com? It was the mom and pop video shop of the internet!

JP: The website became so popular that I became so burned out cranking out DVD orders and taking requests that I was getting near the end of my rope. THEN Warner Bros. leaned on me by saying I had infringed on 13 titles of theirs and sent me their form letter with the $250,000 fines and 5 years imprisonment. What a joke. What happened was I had checked out the titles on the gov. copyright website to check ownership. Warner snuck in and purchased the rights to 13 of my titles and then threatened me when they could have just requested that I remove the infringing titles. I just said the hell with it, emailed them that the site was being taken down and took a month off for vacation.

JM: Better yet, what inspired you to create Cultrararevideos.com?

JP: Cultrarare was created out of frustration from trying to find rare motion pictures. A bulk of these rare films are from the non politically correct era. Studios it seems from the early 90's on stopped putting out certain titles out from their catalogue that they deemed damaging to their reputation. For instance, many films you found releeased by the studios in the 80's on videotape never made it to DVD because minority groups or homosexuals were called a derogatory term. Why do you think I purchase a lot of titles on Warner Bros. Archive DVD? Most of these older films have so much non p.c. material that our thin skinned society would have a shit fit over if these titles were released in bulk on to DVDs today. At least they are releasing these titles to a select audience now. Probably found out the gold mine that was wasting away in their 'vaults'. Then there are the films that get lost because of music rights issues, etc. So I wanted to start a website that contained some of the rarest, hard to find movies that the studios were keeping from general population so to speak.

JM: You have been known to do some charity work to brighten the lives of sick children locally. Can you tell us about that?

JP: It was the fall of 2006 and Christmas was approaching. Well, anyone who has broken up after a marriage or been together with someone for 14 yrs and it ends, let's say it can take a while to get over especially if you've sworn to stay single since. I was depressed and wanted something to dig me out of my rut. Then I dug deep and thought 'who deserves to be really happy this season'? It hit me like a lightning bolt! The sick children at the All Childrens hospital in St. Petersburg! I then thought that since DVD creation was my strong point I would choose a theme park like Disney World, make the menus where these kids could experience rides they may never get to see. There are terminally ill kids of all ages that will see a fraction of your's or my lifetime and I wanted to let them experience what we see and hear. It's all about prioritizing. We as adults get mad when a trip to Disney or some other place gets moved around. A lot of these kids never get to see Disney. But it's not just Disney. I've since every Christmas picked a different theme park, Busch Gardens, Sea World, etc. So every Christmas I crank up the burners to produce 50 to 100 discs for the little angels.

JM: Can we expect a return to the Britton Cinema? Maybe after the current ownership folds we can sneak back in there and have a marathon of nothing but bigfoot exploitation films?

JP: Ha! I hope not. Just kidding. It would give me nothing but pleasure to sneak back in and run some late night Yeti material on the big screen. I think the ownership of Britton Plaza is missing out big time! There is empty office space upstairs above the BBQ place and a Bordello or mini-Mons with Joe involved attached to the theatre would make a lot of people happy, heh!

JM: What's next for John Petrey?

JP: After 8 car accidents it was time to file for disability so I am in the midst of 'temporary' retirement. It's a frustrating process but it's necessary when your spine is wrenched. I'll continue to collect discs at a slower pace and just enjoy the huge, private video store I've created. Who knew it would work out to my advantage since I'm home most of the time already at 46 yrs. of age!

Poor Flyboy

Heralded as one of the greatest horror films of all time and a staple amongst fans' top ten lists, George Romero's Dawn Of The Dead is scary for any number of reasons. But as I watched this film for the 5000th time this past weekend, it occurred to me that there is another, more subconscious feeling of terror that this film lays upon me, as I am sure it does other men.

I'll cut to the chase. Flyboy (no need for explanation, fans already know characters, plot, etc), this skinny little twerp who has problems firing even the smallest gun correctly is trapped inside of a mall with his baby mama and a black guy. Not just some black guy either, this isn't Urkel. PETER! (played by Ken Foree) is a big pro-wrestler looking son of a bitch who has no trouble firing a huge gun and never missing his target. Following me? I mean the guy's name is Flyboy for crying out loud, obviously nobody respects him or his abilities, even his tramp of a girlfriend who appears sexually frustrated.

If this were me, somebody would be zombie chow. There's no way I could survive the apocalypse trapped between a broad who thinks I'm a lame and a gigantic black penis, it just couldn't work. This is one horror film where it should have been obvious that the black guy die first. If for nothing more than peace of mind. It's like, at that point Flyboy's high-maintenance girlfriend would have no choice but to put up with his unsatisfying swerve techniques. Next time she is lying in bed next to him with that cold-ass look making him feel insecure, he can just say, "Oh you can do better?" And since it is the end of the world and he is the only warm body left with a working man member, she really can't.

Not that any of this is Peter's fault, he basically spends the whole movie looking bored at the prospect of having to smash another snow bunny. By the end of the movie he is so disturbed over the idea, that he even contemplates blowing his brains out and having his body gnarled on by zombies before eventually coming to accept that in a society void of living females, having a white woman who is obviously in heat at his disposal isn't all that bad of a thing. We all know
what happened inside of that helicopter after they flew off of that building.

I know horror fans and Dawn Of The Dead purists will cringe at everything I just wrote, but I am just saying. Romero is a smart guy and a socially conscious one at that. Maybe he was trying to pull on some internal strings that we would be too insecure to say out loud but knew awkwardly we'd be thinking about. The scariest thing inside of that mall wasn't the zombies.

Top 10 Penis Castrations!

***Updated*** After re-watching Dolemite I realized that one of his she-goons may not have castrated a guy. So I added an eleventh film.



If you're anything like me (and I'm sure you are), your penis is primarily responsible for every bad decision you have ever made. Whether it was buying something you couldn't afford to impress a chick or thrusting yourself between the gutter thighs of some prehistoric she-beast, your man-stick was there to convince you it was a good idea even though your common sense scolded you otherwise.

In honor of the worst holiday our penises ever invented, I have taken the liberty of assembling a list of ten films that liberate a man from his crotch-demon by the most savage means possible. Enjoy.

Pulp Fiction - There is probably nothing scarier then being locked inside of a basement getting anally jammed by two rednecks. That is, unless you're the two rednecks and you're anally banging Ving Rhames who has just gotten loose and wielding a shotgun. Seeing a man have his crotch replaced by a giant empty hole is one thing, but not as scary as what we know is going to happen when the camera cuts away. What really makes this scene effective is the mental visual of two hard pipe hitting brothers getting medieval on that hole with a pair of pliers and blowtorch.

Dolemite - This scene isn't necessarily great because of its graphic nature, it's just great because it's great. Dolemite shoots at a man's feet to make him dance, calls him a honkey, then allows one of his hookers to finish the man off with a razor blade cutting off his pecker. The whole time Dolemite just laughs as if it is another day at the office. Classic.

Last House On The Left - Biting off your lover's manhood at the moment he is most vulnerable to you is the ultimate revenge for any female. Honestly, I am surprised this doesn't happen more often. I know I am not the only guy who has ever worried about this happening, or am I?

6ixtynin9 - This movie was actually the inspiration for this list. I can't seem to find the clip anywhere online nor can I find any information about this particular scene so I am going to have to go from memory. If I recall correctly, what happens is this girl's nosey neighbor believes that she is banging her boyfriend (who I think was a cop). When the neighbors' paranoia reaches capacity, she drifts off into a fantasy about castrating her boyfriend's ding-dong and then proceeds to chop it up and feed it to another woman in her salad. Gross!

Street Trash - Playing keep away with the severed dick of a hobo. It doesn't get any classier than this.

Hostel 2 - I really could have lived my whole life and been perfectly content with not seeing this guy have his jimmy chopped off and have it fed to dogs. But like a dummy, I threw down my money knowing I was gonna watch people get hacked, maimed and tortured. Guess I got what I paid for.

True Romance - I suppose there is some irony in watching a pimp get shot in the balls.

I Spit On Your Grave - The sound this guy makes after having it sliced off is priceless.

Cannibal Ferox - I'm pretty sure there is a castration scene in Cannibal Holocaust as well, but oh well, watch both of them. This movie is so beautifully repugnant that a penis castration isn't even the highlight of the film in terms of nastiness. Keep an eye out for the senseless real-life animal killings and the scene where a chick is hung by her nipples.

Teeth - This broad's snatch is made out of teeth, self-explanatory.

The Serpent And The Rainbow - This is great because there is already a slow build up with Bill Pullman tied down and tormented. Then the camera cuts to his underwear and the floor and the next thing you know his tormenter is hammering a sharp object into his penis. OUCH!!!

Damn Blogspot

Everytime I publish something the structure comes out all fucked up!!! Sorry to my readers

Sneakerhead Sunday @ Club Skye

Those who know me, know what a rarity it is for me to suffocate my brain cells under the merciless torture of mainstream radio (that goes for any genre). The endless drivel of useless mall bands, teen-friendly pop starlets and pretty boys wailing about nothing behind computer-enhanced vocals and the nihilistic raps of metrosexual über-thugs are all to much for this fanboy to handle. Luckily, my good friend Kramer whose brain has already been reduced to the size of a Hershey's Kiss thanks to dollar beer nights and joints laced with god knows what, has built up a tolerance to local "Hits" and "Hip-Hop" station 94.1 and was able to convey to me the information regarding an event called Sneaker Head Sunday taking place at Ybor City's popular Club Skye.

Another thing that those who know me know very well, is that I love sneakers. It's an addiction on par with crack. No trip to the mall is complete without first browsing rack by rack in every shoe store and giving the clearance section a thorough once over. Every deal passed by is a possible missed opportunity at something that could eventually be the best purchase I ever made. It's so bad that at times I have found myself on distant trips to flea markets and random thrift shops in search of neglected Nikes that could use a good scrub down or a fresh pair of laces. Hell, at one time I was jonesing so hard for sneaker uniqueness that I even taught myself how to paint them.

Without hesitation my mind was made up and plans were being set in motion, the rarity of such an event is such that missing it would lead to life long regret and possible depression. My only question was, where in the hell are the sneaker heads going to come from exactly, surely they exist in the Tampa Bay area, but enough to support an actual event? This was going to be interesting.

Arriving to a rain soaked Ybor City around four-ish, I made my way through the hoards of leatherclad men in short-shorts and sleeveless bull dykes who have taken over the areas sidewalks to my destination in the Centro area. When I made my way through the doors at Club Skye I was immediately greeted by a display case full of sneaker collectable's that included the dopest pair of Nike Huaraches I have ever had the privilege of eye screwing. The dance floor in the center of the room had accumulated a gathering of break dancers and a crowd of onlookers. The outskirts of the main floor were covered by dealer tables pushing everything from custom painted sneakers to rare Nike Dunks, my favorite being the Nightmare On Elm Street editions.

I floated around the room for a bit, snapping pictures and enjoying the sonic sounds of old school / new school sneaker friendly hip hop blasting from the speakers. In attendance was DJ Clark Kent who is probably best known as the producer of the legendary Jay-Z and Notorious B.I.G. track Brooklyn's Finest. Clark himself is a rabid sneaker collector who boast a collection of nearly 2,500 pairs and is an occasional designer for Nike.

I took so many pictures that the generic Walgreens batteries in my camera died, convinced there were more photos to be taken I left the club and went in search of AA batteries to one of those convenient stores on Seventh Ave that exist basically to sell condoms at three in the morning to drunks. Re-loaded with fresh Energizers, I decided to take a brief detour through the back alley ways of Ybor snapping photos of graffiti (which may be featured in a upcoming issue) and other assorted oddities that peaked my interest.

When I got back to the club a girl working the door charged me five bucks and gave me a wristband. Guess I just sort of slipped through all of that the first time I went in. By this time the crowd had swollen and a B-boy contest had broken out on the dance floor. I stayed for another hour or so, giving the dealers tables another spin and finding a previously unseen gold mine of painted Vans sneakers hidden in a back room with almost no foot traffic, what a shame that was because this table was full of heat.

Leaving just as the MC Cypher was beginning, I headed back out onto the slippery night time streets of Ybor. Inspired by what I had seen and hopeful that crappy local radio station 94.1 and Club Skye would continue the event in the near future. I could very easily see this growing and becoming larger given the proper time and promotion.

My 10 Favorite Films of the "00"

Freddy Got Fingered - Arguably the worst film in the history of celluloid. Incoherent, stupid, amateurish, repulsive and absolutely brilliant. Me and my friends used to spend twelve hours a night at work quoting this movie. You just cant beat watching Tom Green suck off a horse, dancing around in the corpse of roadkill before getting smashed by a truck, working in a cheese sandwich factory with a sausage between his legs and Rip Torn as his psychotic father. This movie is an underrated masterpiece and I will stand by that claim.

Bowling For Columbine - Michael Moore's inflammatory masterpiece about America's obsession with gun violence. Possibly the most debated film of all time and certainly one of the most controversial. Regardless of how one feels about Moore's politics there is no denying the mans skill behind the camera. My only complaint about this film is the unfair villifying of Charleton Heston (one of my favorite actors, btw) but at the same time it is Moore's willingness to be unfriendly that makes his films so good. For a movie so widely hated, Moore has managed to spawn a generation of bastard documentary filmmakers bent on biting his unique style, even his enemies have a bit of Moore's influence in their works.

There Will Be Blood - This film makes no apologies about being a hardcore viewing experience. Daniel Day Lewis is incredible as a hillbilly oil man climbing the ranks by any means necessary. DDL reminds me kind of a modern day DeNiro. He is selective about his roles and his appearance in front of the camera lends credibility to any film he is apart of. Paul Thomas Anderson proves himself once again as one of this generations definitive filmmakers.

Kill Bill - I know this selection will be a controversial pick amongst fanboy circles. But let me say this, any film featuring the likes of David Carradine, Sonny Chiba, Gordon Liu, Michael Madsen, Sid Haig, Bo Svenson and other assorted genre favorites along with a score crafted by none other then legendary hip hop producer / founder of The Wu-Tang Clan, The Rza, has to be good. Tarantino wears his fandom on his sleeve and I appreciate that. I was hooked on this movie the second I heard Nancy Sinatra's Bang Bang in the opening credits.

Inglorious Basterds - Tarantino again and possibly his best film to date. Everything about this picture is beautiful even when it is ugly. An obvious love letter to the likes of Sergio Leone, so much so that I could have sworn that one of the songs was just a rendition of the theme from The Good The Bad And The Ugly. Brad Pitt is awesome as the leader of the Basterds and proves once again that he is much more then tabloid fodder.

Million Dollar Baby - Clint Eastwood is one of my favorite filmmakers cause I know anything he makes is going to be top notch. Controversial in its subject matter, Million Dollar Baby manages to be entertaining and completely depressing at the same time.

Grand Torino - I have a love / hate relationship with this one. Eastwood delivers on all fronts basically paying homage to himself and giving the fans one last look at the type of character we love him for. At the same time the dialogue is weak and the supporting cast is bland and typical. The acting is almost laughable, especially the church guy. At the same time, the film pulls itself together, mainly thanks to Eastwood and by the time the credits role you realize you have just witnessed something great.

OldBoy - Soon to be remade (or rumored to be) by crud peddlers Steven Spielberg and Will Smith. Old Boy is a poetic revenge film with a grindhouse attitude and visually looks and feels like Fight Club (least that's what it reminded me of). I could have done without the occasional bits of CGI but that is a minor flaw. Bone crushing, blood gushing, flesh pounding fun with a little bit of heart.

Shottas - Starring a who's who of Jamaican celebs and directed by an amatuer filmmaker who refuses to spill the beans about how he afforded to fund this film, Shottas is a throw back to films like The Harder They Come with homage's to such classics as Scarface, The Killer and Belly. Although a little weak in spots, Shottas is just what the doctor ordered for those that enjoy these types of films.

The Devil's Rejects - Like a few other films on this list, The Devils Rejects is short on originality and strong on paying tribute to better films of yesterday. Ripping off scenes from everything from The Guantlet to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. Rob Zombie manages to stay much more focused this time around and gives us some of modern horrors most beloved villains. Even though I think it is unfair to label such a film as horror, more like a suspense thriller or something. It's a tragedy Zombie has strayed so far from his roots and sold out to the Hollywood remake machine, following up with awful Halloween movies. I still think he has the potential to be the next John Carpenter but only time will tell. In the mean time atleast we have Rejects to hold us over.

Honorable mentions that could have made my top 10 list: Idiocracy, Fahrenheit 911, The Passion Of The Christ, Monster, Punisher: War Zone, Jackass, Team America, Borat, The Hangover, Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Once Upon A Time In Mexico, Blade 2, X-Men 2, Planet Terror, 28 Days Later, Mystic River, Hostel, Freddy Vs. Jason (yeah, I said it) JCVD, Land Of The Dead and probably a hundred more that I've forgotten and will probably remember shortly after submitting this issue.

Rick Ross Clowns Jumpmans!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVKnDggbliQ

Ross has a point, Jumpmans are completely wack and in my opinion designed to appeal to generic white guys with poor taste in sneakers.

But I must point out that not all Jumpmans are created equally. The original Jumpman Pro's which I believe were designed exclusively for Kevin Garnett were the fuckin shit!

I had these boys back in 1997 when they were released and wore them during my eighth grade basketball season.

Back then nobody even knew what Jumpmans were, they just assumed they were Jordans. This was even before the Jordan Brand and Team Jordan which would shortly follow. They even came in the brown Nike box.

What I remember fondly was the strong smell of leather that punched you in the face when you opened the box to try them on. Unlike the corny pleather re-releases that just came out a few years ago.

Special thanks to Rwendt23 for letting me jack this pic from him....

Id also like to caution Ross not to sleep on the high top Vin Bakers released the following year. The green and black ones were ok but the Olympic editions were bananas!

Trip To The Bulgarian Bar

Life is funny sometimes. One minute your lying on the couch half naked under a pile of snack food wrappers, the next your getting drunk in a bar surrounded by foreigners.

Recently "Laid Off" AGAIN and surviving under the threat of constant boredom, it was nice of my old work chum Mitco to swing by the crib last Friday and taking me out for drinks and bullshitting, both of which were desperately needed.

Rather then heading to the local dive bar or trendy afterwork hotspots, we went to a barely noticeable hole in the wall joint down the road from my house that turned out to be a clubhouse for Bulgarians. Complete with a full bar, food and satellite TV's broadcasting from their native Bulgaria.

First off, I have been passed this place a thousend times and never knew that it was a bar or a spot exclusively for Bulgarians. At best I had always suspected it was an unpopular coffee shop ran by beatnics or something. Second thing is, the amazement that there is a large enough population of Bulgarians in this area to support not one but several establishments like this in the city of St. Petersburg. I had no idea.

The doors on this place are tinted dark black with a small sign printed that says "Private Party" with the picture of a muscle bound bodyguard. Upon entering the building, which was roughly the size of my apartment, there were several couches filled with men playing cards and drinking. Everybody knew everybody, nobody wanted to speak english and it had the feeling more so of a house party then a public bar, which was pretty awesome.

Never one to appreciate a good beer, I ordered a cranberry and vodka which I must say caught me completely off guard. Normally you get a small glass filled with ice and a watered down drink. Not here, this was a huge glass with three tiny ice cubes and a ton of vodka. The owner / bartender hooked it up.

Feeling a little buzzed I did the the most American thing I could do and turned my attention towards the TV. I was fascinated. First was the Bulgarian Jay Leno, his name escapes me but he is apparently huge over there and occassionally convences big Hollywood stars to appear on his show. Next was their national equivalent to MTV. I always wondered how B and C list musicians and entertainers sustained an income after their fame in the U.S. had fizzled out. Well, now I know. They are huge overseas! I saw artist on this channel I had forgotten about years ago, still making music videos like they were in their prime. For some reason I got a big kick out of this.

All in all it was a nice few hours of escapism on a Friday afternoon. Especially when one is broke with asperations of traveling the world it is nice to know that "the world" can be found in my own back yard a few blocks from my house.

Cult Film Review - Machete

Im not going to front, for the last three years or so I have been patiently waiting with foolish optimism for this film to be made and released. Mainly because a big part of me was counting on this movie to be the film that would change the way people go to the movies. Thinking it would inspire some sort of grindhouse revival period where fans and filmmakers alike would turn away from the big glossy studio epics in favor of boobs, blood, creativity and all out non-pc fun.

Unfortunatly, Machete is far from the movie I imagined it to be. Nor is it even close to being the hardcore flick that was promised in the original fake trailer that inspired this movie. Not to say that it doesn't deliver on the boobs, blood, creativity and all out non-pc fun, because it certainly does. The problem is thats all it does.

My biggest complaint has nothing to do with story or the other various intangibles, it has to do with the direction of Robert Rodriguez. Man has this guy fallen off hard. I grew up on films like Desperado and From Dusk Til Dawn, back when the Double R actually had to use his talents behind the camera instead of being lazy and relying upon CGI / crafty editing to do all of the work for him.

I think about Rodriguez's one time contemporary Quentin Tarantino and even though he is a hack, he still makes movies simply because he enjoys making movies. He doesn't do it to cash in either like Rodriguez. Tarantino directs as though he still has something to prove, like he is out for nothing more then the respect. Rodriguez on the other hand seems to have been content with proving his skills behind the camera in the 90's and peaking sometime around Once Upon A Time In Mexico, now he is all about the benjamins. Or maybe he just realizes that times have changed and it isn't as necassary to work so hard impressing audiences anymore.

Despire Rodriguez's lazy directing, Machete suffers thanks to heavy handed politics. Not to say that I don't agree with the message because I certainly do. The problem is that Rodriguez never lets the message soak into the movie, it is continously beaten into the audiences skull. It feels like the same conversations are had 30 different times.

The other thing that bothered me, and this is always a big turn off in any film for me if not done correctly, is relying upon news coverage. Man I hate that.

Ok, the last negative before I begin showering praise upon this film is the same complaint I had for The Expendables (the other "throwback" film). To much damn CGI! Is it so hard to just hire a professional fx crew to hook your film up with adequate fake blood and latex wounds? CGI completely throws off the grindhouse feel and makes the movie feel more like I am watching a video game. I mean come on, that is why grindhouse films from the 70's-80's have endured so long, because we love the fx whether they be extremely cheesy or utterly mind blowing. Can you imagine watching Sonny Chiba in The Street Fighter going around kicking the shit out of people and cartoon blood spewing out? Hell no! Bring back squibs and real explosions damnit!

The sickest and most diabolical aspect of this is that Rodriguez cast legendary fx guru Tom Savini for a role in this movie. Seriously, how are you going to have Savini in your movie but not hire him to do some bad ass fx?

So now to the good stuff. Danny Trejo is awesome and I love supporting this movie simply because the man has put in the work and his time has come. He is literally the American dream and I admire his story. Not to mention he may be the coolest genre actor of our generation. Hopefully this film will provide him with further opportunities as a leading man.

The rest of the cast is great as well, especially Jeff Fahey. I have vague recolections of Jeff Fahey being in other films but I mainly associate him with strait to video Pay-Per-View films and stuff on the USA network in the 90's. Besides Planet Terror Im not sure what the hell he was in, but he damn sure makes the most of his role in Machete. Oh and Steven Seagal as his boss is priceless. That fake spanish accent was complete exploitation gold. Don Johnson nails it as a radical minute man type and Robert Deniro is basically just Robert Deniro but with an awesome Texas accent.

The story is good, even though it feels a little thrown together and rushed. Machetes escape from the hospital is epic as is his hijinks with his enemies wife and daughter, classic. The nudity is about on par with where it should be in a film like this and major props for giving us a glimpse of a partially nude Jessica Alba and Lindsey Lohan. Don't even get me started on how sexy Michelle Rodriguez is in this movie.

All in all Machete is worth the cost of admission and arguably the best movie of the summer just above The Expendables. As much as I loved the movie I just didn't love it as much as I dreamed I would and thats a shame. If Robert Rodriguez had directed this film with the same intensity and skill as he did Desperado then this movie could / should have been one of the coolest movies ever made.

My Thoughts On Montana Fishburne

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/03/montana-fishburne-talks-l_n_704656.html

My emotions are slightly mixed when it comes to an individuals participation within the adult entertainment industry.

On the one hand I have no problem with a woman taking advantage of her sexuality. If you have a skill and the market place decides that that particular skill is worthy of propheting off of it then by all means go for it. I fail to see what is so morally wrong about earning a decent living doing something you are good at whether that be nude dancing, prostitution or acting in a pornography film. Especially if you are safe and professionable about your craft. As far as the mental strain such a career has on its participants, are you telling me that a woman would be happier making minimum wage being a cashier, nursing assistant or going to college to work in a cubicle somewhere?

With that said, such a lifestyle isn't for everybody. One has to have a certain mindset to survive in the industry. The ones with staying power work their butts off (literally) to stay ontop (literally) because they approach it as their job. Look at how many girls enter the industry and how many have become household names, exactly. So for the handful of girls that have garnered cult like followings and achieved mild celebrity status there are thousends who have to live the rest of their lives outside of the industry and now have embaressing videos of them floating around the world. What if one day you wake up and decide that you want to live a normal life? This decision will haunt you for forever. That is if you have managed to remain strong minded and not fell victim to the dangerous temptations the industry has to offer.

So anyways, this brings me to the infamous Montana Fishburne, daughter of acclaimed actor Laurence Fishburne. Eighteen year old Montana is so eager for her big break in Hollywood that she has decided the best route to take to the top is by sex tape. Like her idol Kim Kardashian (that is scary!).

What is so troublesome about this whole thing, well ok, there are alot of troublesome things about this situation. But to start with, Montana has a point. Regardless of how you feel about her she has already gotten our national attention and made a top selling sex tape. Rather then take the hard road of actually having acting skills and working hard for notoriety, she has just fast forwarded to instant celebrity.

What's next? In a society eager for willing participants to mock and ridicule Montana is surely bound to be offered some sort of lucrative opportunities. More sex tapes, a reality show?

The problem I have with this whole thing is her willingness to throw her father under the bus. This is a girl who grew up traveling the world and attending the finest schools society has to offer, yet none of that means anything to her. All she wants is to be the target of tabloid fodder. There is almost no sense of thankfulness or respect for the man who worked so hard at his craft that he is recognized as one of the best in his profession.

If nothing else I would say Montana Fishburne is nothing more then a glimpse into our national future. In a world already aiming for mediocracy, this next generation that was raised by their TV sets watching reality shows and the lowest forms moronic entertainment will have their goals set even lower.

Last Damn Show 12

- Ran into Mystikal downtown and he was cool enough to take a quick photo.

- Rick Ross!

- Gucci Mane

-Proof that Nicki Minaj did atleast one song.

-Nicki Minaj...Good grief look at that sexy plastic ass!

-Mystikal - Mystikal

- Special Ed doing his thang!

Believe it or not I was actually looking forward to this summers Last Damn Show. After having so much fun at last springs Wildsplash I was willing to soften my guard a bit and allow Wild 94.1 the opportunity to show me that the last event wasn't a fluke.

The talent for Last Damn Show was definitly an upgrade from the lineup at Wildsplash. I may lose cool points for this but seeing Gucci Mane live was a bit of a selling point. Sure the guy mumbles and has wack lyrics but his unappologetic tone and catchy singles have become a bit of a guilty pleasure. I was also enthused about seeing Rick Ross, who I feel is currently the best rap artist the mainstream has to offer.

As the show started I found myself in a bit of a tailspin. When the group Git Fresh took the stage I was feeling like a fish out of a water and looking for the nearest exit. Not that these guys were so much untalented hacks or anything but their style was so corny and generic it made me fiend for the glory days of hip hop when an act like this would be booed and violently be thrown off stage by an angry mob of fans.

Things didn't get much better from here as the likes of John Blu (In Love Wit Yo Booty), Miguel and Gyptian would take turns crooning for the ladies and failing in the slightest bit to peak my interest. Well ok, looking at the asses of John Blu's dancers were certainly a bonus.

For the first hour or so of the show it was nearly a snooz festival of the worst metrosexual pop rap Wild 94.1 has to offer. Even J. Cole was profoundly underwhelming, but maybe that's because I can't find anything special about him to begin with.

Thankfully out of nowhere the recently released from prison Mystikal took the stage and literally tore the roof off of that bitch. Let me say that if this man comes to your city to do a show do whatever the fuck you need to do to get there. I had basically forgot just how many classic anthems this guy had his name attatched too and hearing them all live with Mystikals raw energy was arguably one of the best rap performances I have ever witnessed up close.

In between sets I managed to keep myself entertained by the abundance of ghetto hoochies and dirty foot white trash wiggaboo's that keep such a garbage station like Wild 94.1 operational. Girls dressed like they are planning to be somebodies jump off for the evening and guys wearing beat up bootleg Air Force 1's. There were even a few sightings of the always hilarious "see through" bootleg Air Force 1's that trashy white boys with ugly outfits find so appealing. Step your game up fellas you make all of us look bad when you walk around like that!

The award for most overhyped and disappointing artist of the night goes to sleazy plastic booty packing and Lil Wayne protege (which is very telling) Nicki Minaj. Sure this broad is sexy, man is she sexy, fake titties/ass and all, but damn, why can't she just put the mic down and be more of a celebrity personality and leave the rapping to actual lyricist and emcees?

This chick was close to five minutes late, then when she got on stage she did maybe two songs before launching into a promotional speech regarding her crappy album "Pink Friday". The dj continued to spin her records but Ms. Minaj just walked around blabbering about autographed hooters and taking photos. Snooozzzzz. Either this lady is just lazy as hell or somebody at 94.1 really pissed her off. Just saying.

Gucci Mane was cool. But it sort of felt like he sleeping walking through his performance. Plus the sound was a little bad and his mush mouth wasn't helping matters. The dirty foots in "see through" Air Force 1's really seemed to enjoy his set though.

Last but not least was the man I came to see, the boss Rick Ross. Although his subject matter can become a little repetetive, this man has never attatched his name to a wack song. The production on his albums (alot of which is done by Tampa natives J.U.S.T.I.C.E League) is always epic and on point. His performance certainly did not disappoint.

All in all Last Damn Show was pretty decent. The disappointments in my opinion had more to do with the artist themselves then it did with the stations set up. Price is a little high (thankfully I got free tickets!) but there are worse ways to spend a Saturday night in the bay.

A Rant About The Post Office!

For the longest time I have held the United States Postal Service in the highest regards as one of the premier employers this country has to offer. Great benefits, good hours and a starting pay of close to $20 hr. It's the type of place we should all aspire to work for.

Lately though, I'm not feeling as positive about the post office as I once did. Infact, I am feeling downright pissed off!

It occured to me recently that I never even check my mail anymore, there's no reason too. I correspond with friends and family through email or text message. Bills are automatically deducted out of my checking account, etc.

When I finally do get around to weeding through the mountain of paper cramped into my mail box, I discover nothing but coupons. So basically, the only rational purpose for the post office to even still be in business is to deliver junk mail. Great.

Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of government jobs, mainly because the private sector is so greedy when it comes to fair wages. It just seems a little outrageous to me that at a time when most Americans are struggling to find any sort of job, let alone one that pays a livable wage, these employee's are living in a recession free bubble doing a job that can be handled just as efficiently by a Fedex or UPS. I mean, what makes the clerk in the post office that much more valuable then the person working customer service in a grocery store?

Maybe I am wrong, maybe America needs it's Hungry Howies coupons by mail and I am underappreciating the importance of paying somebody $20 hr (starting pay!) to sort through and deliver it to our homes.

And yes, I do realize that Cosmo Kramer made this long before I did.

I love this picture!

I snapped this photo roughly a year ago in a dirty Ybor City alley way. At the time it just seemed like a cool picture.

Now days though I see this picture in my head every morning when I wake up, reminding me to make the most of my day, to value every second so that no moment is wasted.

Thought I'd share.

Big Daddy Kane visits Jannus Landing!

Photos

- Big Daddy Kane performing

- Jannus Marquee

- Me with Big Daddy Kane

- Me with Dynasty aka The Femcee

I'll admit that throughout the years I have sort of neglected the work of Big Daddy Kane. I've never listened to any of his albums and couldn't really recite word for word any of his big singles.

It's nothing personal, just never got around to it.

Strangest thing is that Big Daddy Kanes verse on Public Enemy's "Burn Hollywood Burn" is one of my all time favorites. The line at the end of the song where he says, "aye yo I got Black Caesar back at the crib, ya'll wanna go check that out" kills me everytime.

Feeling as though I had been missing out, catching his show last Friday night at Jannus Landing seemed like a good place to start catching up.

Doors opened at 7 but the show technically didn't start til about 9:30. Which is fine by me, when I finally rolled in around 9 on a sugar high from Starbucks I found a spot in the back and chilled out to the wide variety of classic hip hop records being spun from the stage by DJ Sandman. Which to me is the best part of these old school shows. Sandman can always be counted on to set up the perfect vibe when waiting for a show to start.

The opening act was a local talent transplanted from New York (like everyone else here) named Dynasty who I had been hearing an awful lot about lately. Initially I had blown her off as another local backpack rapper yuppy trying to re-live the golden era artist that are a dime a dozen around here.

But a few things are different about Dynasty that peaked my interest, one is her DJ is Sandman, whose taste is good enough that I trust he wouldn't stand behind anything thats whack. And two, she has been garnering support by the likes of DJ Premier by getting spins on his radio show. A major accomplishment.

When I heard her rhyme I was actually sort of blown away by how raw her style was. This chick

could flat out rap. In fact, I will go so far as to say she is exactly what the mainstream hip hop scene is in desperate need of. Not only does she have the abilities to make it, she is naturally likable in a way that other female emcee's aren't. Almost like a Lauren Hill but meaner on the microphone.

Following the highly enjoyable set by Dynasty, the crowd was left in a state of confusion by the performance of Loyal. I have no idea of who Loyal is or where they came from or who they paid for the stage time, but they were worth seeing just for the experience of witnessing the akwardness of their performance.

They basically spent twenty minutes not rapping or rapping other peoples hit songs, then dancing provocatively on their male dancers. None of whom looked over 16 years old. The crowd was left looking confused and nobody really knew what to make of it.

Eventually around 11-ish Big Daddy Kane arrived and immediatly launched into a furious performance. I found it amazing that here is a man probably in his mid to late fourties rhyming three times faster and harder then guys half his age. Incredible!

Thankfully ticket prices for the show were only $15 because after about 25minutes Big Daddy Kane through down a couple of dance moves (which were quite impressive I must say) and abruptly ended his set before coming back out for a brief encore. Needless to say there were more then a handful of disappointed fans in the audience.

Ok, so normally this is were a person would end a concert review. But those of you that know me know how I like to take shit to the next level when I hit up a hip hop show.

Rather then go chase skirts on the streets of downtown St. Pete like a normal 26 yr old guy on a Friday night after a concert, I chose instead to wait for the security guard to turn his head and sneak backstage for photos.

What I got was something a little bit more special. After a few minutes of standing around outside of a door waiting for Kane to walk out, I was approached by none other then DJ Sandman who graciously introduced himself and invited me into the dressing room.

Inside the room standing around a table were Big Daddy Kane and none other then DJ Charlie Chase co-founder of the pioneering hip hop group The Cold Crush Brothers (Havn't ya'll ever seen Wild Style?!?). I basically just stood to the back, discussed hip hop fandom with a kid who's name unfortunatly escapes me at the moment and chilled out listening to the stories being told by Kane and Charlie Chase. It was crazy.

Just when I thought that things had died down, the kid who I was having the conversation with asked Kane to spit 16 bars for him. Kane obliged, spitting a mesmorizing politically tinged rhyme that wow'd the room. He then challenged the kid to spit 16, he accepted and laid down a nice verse. It was a little bit over 16 bars, prompting Kane to make a joke comparing the kid to Kool G Rap (what an honor to even be mentioned in the same sentence). Then Dynasty laid down some rhymes and I guess it must have been contagious because next thing I knew it seemed like the whole room was going in. Quite the experience to witness.

After that everybody said there goodbyes, I snapped some pics (unfortunatly not with Charlie Chase, but I'm sure there will be other chances) and escaped into the downtown night life.

Cult Film Review - Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son In Law!

Any movie that starts out with a impoverished black mother giving birth to a watermelon, followed by a new born baby with the body of a twelve year old has to be good. In fact, all of these hack directors trying to bring us exploitative homage's of exploitation films need to give Petey Wheatstraw: The Devils Son In Law a spin and take notes on the difference between funny for the sake of being funny and being crude as means of offending people solely to offend them.

Comedic legend Rudy Ray Moore (Dolemite, The Human Tornado) stars as Petey Wheatstraw. Born during a south Florida tropical storm and trained in the art of self defense by a wise old man from his neighborhood, Petey grows into a popular night club act. But not everybody is fond of this funny mans show. His competition, Leroy and Skillet want him dead!

Eager to get their show off the ground, Leroy and Skillet borrow a large sum of money from the devious Mr. White (an actual white guy) and have no choice but to return a profit on his investment. Problem is, Petey Wheatstraw is opening his show only a few days after they do and threatens to put their event out of business. It isn't long before words turn into actions and in the words of Petey Wheatstraw himself, the shit is about to hit the fan!

Leroy and Skillets goons take to the streets to harass and intimidate Petey's crew, eventually going so far as to kill a little boy by mistake. This leads up to a scene that I really did not see coming. At the little boys funeral, a group of thugs armed with Tommy Guns shows up to assassinate Petey Wheatstraw. Boy, do they do so with a vengeance, I mean wow, this scene stands out even when compared side by side to better gangster films.

Following this massacre a sharply dressed older man approaches the corpse of Petey Wheatstraw and hands over his business card, turns out he is the devil himself and has a intriguing proposal to offer the comedian. The two conversate in hell for a little while, a dark place with poor red lighting that makes for a disturbing atmosphere. The devil as it turns out has a problem, his daughter is quite atrocious in appearance and desires a husband. In exchange for Petey's hand in marriage, the devil will allow the comedian to walk the earth until he exacts revenge upon Leroy and Skillet for his murder. Hijinks ensue.

There isn't really much to dislike about this film. The acting is awful, the story is silly and the bad guys costumes are really just cheap tights. In these types of movies its the heart that counts and this one delivers in spades (no pun intended). Even sites and sounds that would normally be used as a means to offend the viewer and demean the actors seem harmless in this film. I imagine that this movie holds some type of record for the most watermelons ever used on camera.

Even though Moore's gigantic ego is on full display in this film (including an awesome sex scene where he bangs like 10 demon chicks and leaves them passed out from pleasure) I will go so far as to say that he may have been slightly outshined this go around by his real life opening act of Leroy and Skillet. They perform in this awesome silent film style of over the top body movements with a little bit of minstrel show goodness added in.

If your out for a few laughs I highly recommend this fundamental piece of exploitation gold. Although my copy comes from the Rudy Ray Moore box set collection, the film can currently be found on the shelves of your local Wal-Mart for some reason. So, grab it before it's gone!

Interview With The Projectionist Part 1

This is an interview I did with renegade projectionist John Petrey. Infamous for his late night underground showings of classic films (horror or otherwise) in the theaters he worked in after hours.

John Miller: I guess my first question would be. What got you into cinema, where did this all begin?

John Petrey: When I was about 6 years old my Mother was going through a tough time with the divorce from my father. She had to take 2 jobs just to support us and would get various weirdos to babysit us. So this one night she had my cousin Larry and his stoner friends volunteered to take us to the movies. I remember sitting in the back seat on the way to the Drive-In Theatre and would see marquee after marquee go by. They were all Disney titles like The Love Bug.
Well, we pulled into the South Park Drive-In (No I'm not making that name up) and the first thing I noticed was the ALL NIGHT TRAUMA-RAMA sign along with the NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD poster. We pulled into the front row and Larry immediately jumped into the back seat with his friends. While they doing each other I started becoming aware what was unfolding on the big screen. None of that stuff they were eating in NOTLD looked remotely familiar with my happy meals. So I was rushed out of the Drive-In painting the car's interior with puke. I shook all night while staring at the bedroom door.

Two weeks later they send me out with my father and his friends to see BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES at the Kenwood Drive-In. Well, back in those days the trailers were not regulated so when Intermission rolled around I was on my way back to the car with my Co2 soda and Mounds candy bar. Yeech! I sat down to look at the previews and the trailer that started up was THE WIZARD OF GORE. Damn! Talk about not being able to win, this trailer alone has tongue removal, disemboweling, decapitation, etc. Screamed my ass off to get out of that place with everyone yelling “It's just ketchup and macaroni'! That didn't help so it was therapy time for a while. After that I stuck to movies like glue, especially Horror! Go figure that one out.

JM: You've spent a lot of time over the years hanging around movie theaters. What is the strangest thing you have witnessed inside of one?

JP: When I was manager of the Britton Theatre in 1991 there was a woman who was, get ready for this....a theatre manager groupie! She actually got off hanging around different theatres, hugging the managers and rambling about Hollywood. I had to get rid of her by going up on to the roof and hiding out one night. She knew I was there so she got the hint and she was never seen again.

JM: As a fan has there ever been a film you felt compelled not to show audiences? I don't think I could sleep at night after showing a Tom Hanks or Tim Allen movie. If I did I'd probably have to pull a Tyler Durden and splice the reel with pornography.

JP: HA! We've joked about splicing in 35MM porno frames in to our features. No, but seriously, as bad as I have hated a film we've run over the years, I can't think of one that I didn't want to run for the audience. I guess it goes along with my movie collecting theory at home. If I don't care for it, I'll still collect it because someone else may like it.

JM: Speaking of Tyler Durden splicing kids movies with porn. What type of hijinks take place behind the scenes of movie theaters that audiences are oblivious too?

JP: Let's just say a good number of children were conceived behind the screens, in the booths, offices, etc. The theatre office has a restroom that doesn't work however we noticed that under the sink you could look in to the Ladies room. We sealed it up with “Great Stuff” Also riding the motorcycle around the hallway upstairs in the projection booth. Dropping TVs, VCRs and anything that would bust in to a lot of pieces off the roof!

JM: How many years did you spend working for the Britton?

JP: Off and mostly on about 20 yrs.

JM: It has been said that the Britton is haunted. I remember going to see Hostel 2 in the middle of the day and sitting in the theater almost a half hour before the film by myself and kept hearing a bunch of weird sounds. In retrospect I think it may have just been rats. What are your thoughts / experiences with hauntings at the Britton?

JP: You probably heard the building crumbling apart, just kidding. When I first started working at the Britton January 1988, a woman named Edith had died in the Ladies restroom. Some female co-workers over the years swear the stall that Edith passed away in always has the door swinging open. I have never experienced that on the many nights I did maintenance in there. While I'm not big on ghosts and the like, there are two extraordinary things that happened to me at the Britton. One was while I was showing EVIL DEAD on DVD upon the screen at about 1AM and a ceiling tile started flipping like crazy. I had just started eating my lunch and it pissed me off so I screamed at it to stop! It did and I resumed my showing.

The wildest thing that happened was when I and a co-worker were watching “1408” late at night and right when John Cusack puts a bat through a picture with the sea in it, water started pouring down right in between us on to the aisle carpet. Any other time in the film would have been like "whatever", but that was some crazy timing, LOL!

JM: To me you are a legend for your underground after hour showings of classic films and movies that fans would otherwise never witness on the big screen. First allow me to say thank you for this, watching Suspiria at an abandoned Britton is a memory I will always cherish. When did you start doing these shows?

JP: A Legend? That's very kind of you. I'd have to say Fall 2006 was the first of the after hours DVD showings. I've always been a showman or a low budget entertainer, starting with Super 8mm. I just want to make people happy with my movies OR whatever they wanted to watch. I'm very saddened that the project I had started recently involving a piece of property and building secured to view our movies whenever has been hit with roadblocks. You as well as everyone else that made it to the showing of SUSPIRIA are very welcome. I'm glad I was able to help create your moment/memory of seeing that on a big screen in an abandoned 50+ yr. old theatre. What people don't see when they are viewing one of my presentations is the tear or tears that well up in my eyes some times because I feel like I'm creating a type of magic. Every time a theatre screen plays a different movie it's like being in a different world for me. It's pure satisfaction. When POLTERGEIST was ran in October of 2007, I ran the DVD upstairs for everyone.

Probably about 35 people showed up for that one. THE LOST BOYS also was a blast, especially since we cranked it full blast!!

JM: You're notorious for walking around armed with your gun. I'm sure you have used cardboard cut-outs and promotional materials from crappy movies as target practice. Any films or actors in particular you thoroughly enjoyed blasting to smithereens?

JP: In 2000 Eddie Murphy came out with the KLUMPS. All 4 of his characters were sitting on a couch in a huge standee. The district manager wanted it displayed near the office so when the regional manager came by it would look good. I decided to drag it upstairs the night before and a buddy of mine brought his Glock, (which shook my wrist to pieces) I had my Colt .380 and we laid in to that standee because it had good, clean head shots!

Well, the next morning I had a phone call from the manager telling me I was fired and she wanted to know why I shot up the standee because the District manager now wanted me in jail. I told her it was all politics. The District manager wanted to date me and was in her 40's at the time, I was dating a concession girl and I didn't want the chicken that had sat out under the heat lamp, I wanted my meat fresh. Anyway getting back to the question. We've brought shotguns, pistols of all sorts and I think we may have just about taken that load-bearing wall out, ha ha!