Cult Film Review - Machete

Im not going to front, for the last three years or so I have been patiently waiting with foolish optimism for this film to be made and released. Mainly because a big part of me was counting on this movie to be the film that would change the way people go to the movies. Thinking it would inspire some sort of grindhouse revival period where fans and filmmakers alike would turn away from the big glossy studio epics in favor of boobs, blood, creativity and all out non-pc fun.

Unfortunatly, Machete is far from the movie I imagined it to be. Nor is it even close to being the hardcore flick that was promised in the original fake trailer that inspired this movie. Not to say that it doesn't deliver on the boobs, blood, creativity and all out non-pc fun, because it certainly does. The problem is thats all it does.

My biggest complaint has nothing to do with story or the other various intangibles, it has to do with the direction of Robert Rodriguez. Man has this guy fallen off hard. I grew up on films like Desperado and From Dusk Til Dawn, back when the Double R actually had to use his talents behind the camera instead of being lazy and relying upon CGI / crafty editing to do all of the work for him.

I think about Rodriguez's one time contemporary Quentin Tarantino and even though he is a hack, he still makes movies simply because he enjoys making movies. He doesn't do it to cash in either like Rodriguez. Tarantino directs as though he still has something to prove, like he is out for nothing more then the respect. Rodriguez on the other hand seems to have been content with proving his skills behind the camera in the 90's and peaking sometime around Once Upon A Time In Mexico, now he is all about the benjamins. Or maybe he just realizes that times have changed and it isn't as necassary to work so hard impressing audiences anymore.

Despire Rodriguez's lazy directing, Machete suffers thanks to heavy handed politics. Not to say that I don't agree with the message because I certainly do. The problem is that Rodriguez never lets the message soak into the movie, it is continously beaten into the audiences skull. It feels like the same conversations are had 30 different times.

The other thing that bothered me, and this is always a big turn off in any film for me if not done correctly, is relying upon news coverage. Man I hate that.

Ok, the last negative before I begin showering praise upon this film is the same complaint I had for The Expendables (the other "throwback" film). To much damn CGI! Is it so hard to just hire a professional fx crew to hook your film up with adequate fake blood and latex wounds? CGI completely throws off the grindhouse feel and makes the movie feel more like I am watching a video game. I mean come on, that is why grindhouse films from the 70's-80's have endured so long, because we love the fx whether they be extremely cheesy or utterly mind blowing. Can you imagine watching Sonny Chiba in The Street Fighter going around kicking the shit out of people and cartoon blood spewing out? Hell no! Bring back squibs and real explosions damnit!

The sickest and most diabolical aspect of this is that Rodriguez cast legendary fx guru Tom Savini for a role in this movie. Seriously, how are you going to have Savini in your movie but not hire him to do some bad ass fx?

So now to the good stuff. Danny Trejo is awesome and I love supporting this movie simply because the man has put in the work and his time has come. He is literally the American dream and I admire his story. Not to mention he may be the coolest genre actor of our generation. Hopefully this film will provide him with further opportunities as a leading man.

The rest of the cast is great as well, especially Jeff Fahey. I have vague recolections of Jeff Fahey being in other films but I mainly associate him with strait to video Pay-Per-View films and stuff on the USA network in the 90's. Besides Planet Terror Im not sure what the hell he was in, but he damn sure makes the most of his role in Machete. Oh and Steven Seagal as his boss is priceless. That fake spanish accent was complete exploitation gold. Don Johnson nails it as a radical minute man type and Robert Deniro is basically just Robert Deniro but with an awesome Texas accent.

The story is good, even though it feels a little thrown together and rushed. Machetes escape from the hospital is epic as is his hijinks with his enemies wife and daughter, classic. The nudity is about on par with where it should be in a film like this and major props for giving us a glimpse of a partially nude Jessica Alba and Lindsey Lohan. Don't even get me started on how sexy Michelle Rodriguez is in this movie.

All in all Machete is worth the cost of admission and arguably the best movie of the summer just above The Expendables. As much as I loved the movie I just didn't love it as much as I dreamed I would and thats a shame. If Robert Rodriguez had directed this film with the same intensity and skill as he did Desperado then this movie could / should have been one of the coolest movies ever made.

RZA to direct Man With The Iron Fist!

The Rza, founding member and creative genius behind the legendary hip hop group the Wu-Tang Clan has just been handed over $20 million by Universal Pictures to shoot his kung fu epic The Man With The Iron Fist in China this September.

First off let me start by saying that this has got to be the most ambitious fanboy inspired project to come along since Grindhouse. Not only because it is being written and directed by The Rza, (who is also providing the soundtrack!) but because it was also co-written by none other then Eli Roth, the current king of nerdy gore flicks. What a combination, and if that wasn't crazy enough The Rza has apparently been training behind the camera over the years with the likes of John Woo and Quentin Tarantino (Rza contributed to the Kill Bill soundtrack).

All of this is fantastic news and I am no doubt excited, but I must admit that as a die hard Wu fan I am a bit skeptical.

There's no denying The Rza's genius, one only needs to listen to the early catelogue of the Wu for proof of that. Rza produced albums such as Raekwons "Only Built For Cuban Linx" and Gza's "Liquid Swords" were essentially movies in and of themselves, only on wax instead of film.

Problem is, that's The Rza of days long past. The grimey, grindhouse inhabiting fanboy that crafted classic album after classic album with a potent blend of capitalism, eastern philosphy and the influence of the five percent nation just doesn't exist anymore. Now days we are stuck with a Hollywood hippy that is a hack of his former self. Producing thrown together albums with luke warm beats and doing soundtracks for any bad movie that'll cut him a check.

As a fan I am really hoping this project works out, but I also know it is a matter of which Rza will show up. If we get the early to mid 1990's Rza then we will no doubt be in for a treat that should captivate audiences and possibly inspire more fanboy friendly films. On the otherhand, if we get the cgi friendly Rza of the 2000's who never met a movie like Blade 3 he didn't like, then we are all in big trouble.

Thankfully with Eli Roth overseeing the project things should work themselves out ok, and don't be surprised if Tarantino is lurking somewhere behind the scenes with a hand mixed up in this. Stay tuned.

Cult Film Review - Rolling Thunder!

After nearly a decade of being locked away as a P.O.W. in some Hanoi hell hole Major Charles Ranes has returned home to San Antonio to find that his whole life has moved on without him. His son, now almost a teenager doesn't remember him, the wife is out screwing around with the local goof troop law man and to top it off Major Ranes is stuck sleeping in the tool shed because he isn't capable of re-integrating back into society just yet.

The grateful town folk have scrounged up some gifts for the battered warrior, a shiny new red Cadillac and $2,500 worth of silver dollars, one for each day of his imprisonment. It is here that he begins to form a relationship with a military groupie that later becomes the Bonnie to his Clyde.

From here on out Rolling Thunder is hopped up on a bottle of crazy pills and bulldozes its way into history as one of the ultimate man films. After returning home Major Ranes is greeted by a group of outlaws hellbent on stealing the warheros $2,500 worth of silver dollars. These guys are bad to the bone, their acting superb and the violence they carry out --- remorseless.

Rolling Thunder isn't just your average revenge flick, it's better. A combination of Taxi-Driver meets No Country For Old Men with a grindhouse swag.

Tommy Lee Jones shows up in a supporting role as CPL. Johnny Vohden, a man who is just flat out bored with normal society. This is the most fun I have ever seen Tommy Lee Jones have on screen, whenever there is a gun in his hand with the possibility of a body being infront of the barrel Jones cracks this cold, demented smirk. The look of a man who is doing what he loves, killing.

Fans looking for a fast paced shoot'em up may be a little disappointed at the films slow pacing and the violence has little to no gore. Proving once again that the most effective violence is what takes place off screen.

Cult Film Review - Allegro Non Troppo!

One of my co-workers, a former video store clerk, insisted that I borrow a few animation tapes he had stored away in some box at his house. The next day I was handed a white paper bag, presumably the very same that were used by his former employers during the 80's. Inside were two VHS bootlegs still sealed in the very same sleeves they were originally rented from. One was "Heavy Metal" the other "Allegro Non Troppo".

Weary that this was some sort of scheme to trick me into accidentally viewing a homemade porno flick, my fears were immediately put to rest by the smooth sounds of old VHS crackling and burning its way through my TV screen. Allegro Non Troppo was about to begin.

Intended as an Italian parody of Disney's Fantasia, the comparisons are hard to ignore. Especially when the films narrator himself initiates the comparison. At one point speaking to a Disney spokesperson by phone, our host shouts angrily, "inbred Californian"! Sparking a long running theme throughout that while impressive, western culture is destructive and cannot be trusted. At least that is how I took it.

Daring to go further then Disney ever could have imagined, the film intertwines the hard hitting social commentary of the animated shorts with the live action hi jinks of a dysfunctional orchestra. Themes ranging from our superficial standards of beauty to evolution and the long term effects of war are ferociously touched upon. Whenever you think the film is about to take itself to seriously, the orchestra shows up to lighten the mood.

When not animated the film is shot as sort of a pseudo documentary. What immediately struck me was how strikingly similar in terms of style and atmosphere this all felt to the Italian Mondo Cane films of the same era. Crude humor and skillful camera work stirred with an emotionally charged score and a pinch of over acting. I suppose it is an antiquated style, but I'd love to see it refurbished one day. What these films lack in terms of good taste they more then make up for with charm.

While Pixar fans may find themselves disappointed, I would argue that this film combines a little bit of everything that made the 1970's such a splendid time to witness the evolution of ballsy filmmaking. Allegro Non Troppo is worthy of induction into any fan's collection of cult titles.

Cult Film Review - Cop Killers!

"Don't ever put your hands on me again. Look man, I was just trying to relax. I'll keep my hands off the young virgin. Now if she comes on to me, that's another story".

The title of this film alone is enough to peak my interest. Not so much that I dislike cops, though I do occasionally find them useless, it's just that any film bold enough to sell itself under the title of "Cop Killers" has to be good. How could it not be?

Cop Killers tells the story of two low life hippies who's lives take a turn for the worse when a police road block prevents them from smuggling cocaine out of the desert. After a violent shoot out with the cops hippie drug dealers Alex and Ray hit the open Arizona road on a mission to sell their product to an even bigger drug dealer and escape out of the country as wealthy men.

From the perspective of a die-hard fan who lives and breathes for these types of movies, Cop Killers does not disappoint. This is the kind of film that forces people to take a shower after viewing, imagine a Sergio Leone western that's been nuked in a microwave and remixed by hippies.

Although not gory in abundance genre fans will walk away satisfied, if for no other reason then the f/x were handled by none other then Rick Baker. If gore is not enough, then the T & A, foul language, drug abuse, stolen ice-cream trucks and awesome folksy theme song that plays throughout will no doubt be enough to leave the whistles of fanboys wettend.

Cult Film Review Raiders Of Atlantis!

I originally fell in love with Raiders Of Atlantis upon viewing its trailer a few years back on one of the 42nd Street Forever trailer compilation disc. The vivid colors, the wild music, post apocalyptic insanity and best of all director Ruggero Deodato. I had to have this film in possession lickity split or my head was going to explode into a million little pieces. Problem was where in the hell could I find it at? For a month I browsed every new and used movie retailer in the Tampa Bay area determined to make a discovery on my own without having to rely on the blandness of purchasing off of the internet. Sadly, I had to face reality. Fortunately though I managed to snag a copy on Amazon for dirt cheap that came in this sweet hard cover case.

I'm not going to get into much detail about what this film is about because honestly after watching it a few times I still really don't have a clue. Something about thieves, scientist, a nuclear submarine and the lost continent of Atlantis. The only point that is ever driven home is that the black guy has changed his name from Washington to Mohammed and really, that's all the viewer needs to know in order to enjoy this film. The rest is a melting pot of chaos that never really pulls together but is a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

The first thing that catches you about this film is the ridiculous theme song. A morbidly gothic disco track that sets the tone for the rest of the movie and fits perfectly from scene to scene. Deodato makes the most of every shot by making sure that nothing uninteresting gets in front of his lens. Each actor portrays their character to the extreme and every villain is a work of art. My favorite character is the lead bad guy, some dude that dresses in skanky black leather and wears a glass skull over his face. Also worth keeping an eye out for are the suped up cars and motorbikes the villains travel in, equipped with cool spikes on the wheels.

Although Raiders Of Atlantis is a complete mess of a movie I recommend this as must see TV to any and all fans of cheesy Italian cash-in flicks. Unlike most, this one delivers on the goods. The action flies fast and furious, the gore is cool and the images of destroyed buildings and various urban landscapes are some of the best you will ever see. Check it out.